DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you explain the modern definition of eloping?
When I was younger, eloping was secretly getting married and then announcing it later. But I’ve had several friends who had destination weddings and called it “eloping.”
In one instance, some friends on a planned vacation suddenly announced on social media that they were getting hitched that day, but their family was there with them.
Are these true examples of eloping by today’s definition?
GENTLE READER: Who even knows what “wedding” means now? The term is now often used to mean extravaganzas lasting several days, which may or may not include the act of getting legally married — either because the couple is already married, or because they do not intend to get married.
But the ever-resourceful professionals in the wedding industry now describe “elopement” as anything more modest than the over-the-top galas they recommend. They no longer consider it necessary to have disapproving parents, nighttime escapes via ladders or secret ceremonies.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become de rigueur to wish every woman you see, for an entire week, a happy Mother’s Day?
When I was growing up, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were days that you did something nice for or with the respective parent. Unless a person was a close friend, you didn’t ask “What are you doing for Mother’s Day?” out of respect for the fact that they may not have living parents, or if they do, they may not have a good relationship with them.
Almost everyone at my office feels the need to make some mention of the day and some even inquire about whether or not I have children. When I uncomfortably say “no,” they bellow a hearty, “Well, happy Mother’s Day anyway!”
I find all of this odd at best and disconcerting at worst, as my mother was abusive and I don’t care for the memories it dredges up. What is a good retort for those who ask about my family status?
GENTLE READER: Mother’s Day has indeed been spreading over the years. The original idea was, as you say, to honor one’s own mother. Then it became for all mothers in the family, and daughters started expecting their own mothers to honor them for having children.
And now, as you point out, it is indiscriminately applied to all women. But is it worth fighting? Miss Manners notes that your attempts have been ineffective in stopping thoughtless people who think they are being charming.
If you like, you could respond as some do when receiving holiday wishes for religions to which they do not belong.
In this case, it would be “Thank you, but I don’t observe Mother’s Day.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I say to a nosy person who asks me very personal and very sensitive questions?
GENTLE READER: “Enough about me. I’m much more interested in hearing about you.” Works every time.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
