I have been a beauty editor for the best part of 20 years, but I have a confession to make: I don’t moisturize my body. It’s not just the sensory issues I have around oily textures or strong smells, I just can’t bring myself to sit down and do it. It takes all of my brain power to stick to my very minimalist (some would say, lazy) facial cleanse.
I also hate most spa treatments (having to lie still is torturous), and having my hair done (too noisy, very uncomfortable, more staying still). It confused me for years: why do these rituals that so many people find so easy, enjoyable, or even relaxing, make me feel tired and cranky? Then, at 37, I was diagnosed with ADHD and it all became clear.
Beauty editor Grace Timothy at home
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, where emotions, sleep, mood, attention, and impulsivity can be dysregulated. Most of this dysregulation is down to how stimulated our brains are; not enough and we can’t engage, too much and we get overwhelmed. You can have inattentive type, hyperactive type or combined type, which is what I have—meaning I can find it hard to filter stimuli, to stick to routines and to switch off.
Like many women with ADHD, I have a love-hate relationship with beauty. On the one hand, I need routine to keep me grounded and healthy, and certain rituals help me regulate when I’m overwhelmed. My mum is an aromatherapist, so I grew up using essential oils as emotional first aid.
On the other, I struggle with task initiation; running out of time, getting bored, fluctuating energy levels and simply forgetting to do things. Even the issues we have with planning can have an impact, says the chartered psychologist Dion Terrelonge, who also has ADHD. “As a Black woman, having my hair done is not a quick, simple task and requires planning,” she tells me. “Because I am allergic to planning and find it hard to tune into my own needs, it often means finding an appointment and braiding hair at the last minute. It’s never a relaxing process.”
The content creator Demi Colleen cites sensory issues as a further challenge for her. “Wearing makeup feels like sensory overload most of the time; I always make a point to remove it as soon as I get home,” she explains. “I feel less trapped when I don’t have a layer of make-up on.”
For me personally, makeup is a non-negotiable; something that helps me control the way I’m perceived. It’s no wonder, given that I grew up with an actor for a dad (it wasn’t unusual for him to come home from work looking like Captain Hook). The transformative alchemy of beauty was baked into me. How could anyone guess at the chaos raging in my head if my lipstick and nails are flawless?
But I’m less stringent about the basics of self-care, and I’m not alone; the ADHD expert Susan Young identifies personal hygiene as a common co-occurring functional problem in girls and women with ADHD.
The first sign that I’m in burnout or feeling overwhelmed—hugely common fallouts of ADHD—is that I neglect to floss. Then I might halve my teeth-brushing time. I go longer without a shower and wash my hair less. I still do my make-up—evidently, public perception is more motivating than gum disease—but I cancel haircuts, and I avoid exercise of any kind. My skincare routine will fall away completely, reduced to an extraneous detail in a life that needs to be as simple as possible to conserve energy. When the routine is broken, it’s seemingly irretrievable and I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Imagine working at a magazine and attending events surrounded by the glossiest people imaginable, when you can’t even brush your hair?
What has changed things for me at the age of 42 is body-doubling, whereby you do something in the presence of an accountability ‘buddy’. Whether it’s my husband or child, I generally have someone I can be with or near when I’m brushing my teeth or washing my hair—they don’t have to be doing the same thing or even know what I’m doing, it just works that they’re there. It was the same when I had flatmates, and I know there are body-doubling apps for a virtual version.
The other thing is knowing stylists and therapists who understand how I might feel and will adapt their services to suit. Oliver Blackaby champions this at The Hair Salon in Sussex; he offers a quieter room with lots of natural light for anyone who needs it and makes you feel nurtured in his chair.
With a little understanding, self-compassion, and help, the fundamentals of grooming and self-care don’t have to seem like such a challenge.
Grace’s book, Is it my ADHD? Navigating Life as a Neurodivergent Adult is out now.
