Asking Eric: Partner gushes over pets, but not significant other

DEAR ERIC: I don’t know if this is an issue with others, or if I’m just over-sensitive. My partner and I have several pets and we’ve been together for many years. She frequently gushes to them “I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!!!!”

This is great but she never says this to me. Am I being a wimp because I would like some of the same affection?

– Second Best

DEAR BEST: If it’s wimpy to want to know that we’re loved, then every single one of us on Earth is a wimp. It’s good that you’re feeling your feelings and you’ve been able to identify a need.

Remember, however, that love for pets is different from love for a partner. (Not necessarily lesser – just different.) So, you’re not in competition with your partner’s pets nor should you think of her declarations of love as a personal affront.

Instead, talk with her about the ways you express love for each other. Maybe she thinks of herself as showing love in other ways, like through actions or gestures. Maybe she doesn’t know that you’d like to hear those three big words sometimes, too. And ask yourself if you’re telling her that you love her, too. Then try out ways of expressing love that you both can hear, receive, and feel good about. It may take some trial and error. But remember, no matter how long you’ve been together, it’s never too late to make an adjustment as the relationship changes and grows.

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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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