When I was single, there was nothing I loved more than a wedding – all the romance, food, and dancing, and nobody else holding me accountable? Fab.
But I’ll admit that sometimes, plus-one policies proved a little awkward.
Some go by “no ring, no bring” rules, where guests need to be married to bring a companion. Others are more lenient, allowing dates and friends to come too.
And while I do think that the newlyweds are under no obligation whatsoever to bring people they don’t know to their special day (often at great cost), it didn’t surprise me to read that u/No-Steak698 was “hurt” by her friend’s policy.
So, we spoke to wedding expert Jaime Coast of Cotton And Bow about how to handle different guest rules.
The original poster (OP) felt deceived
Writing to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), the poster said that his friend hadn’t given her boyfriend a plus one because he wasn’t married to his boyfriend of two years.
His partner has met the bride multiple times, he adds, but he accepted it because the couple told him they weren’t having unmarried partners as plus ones.
“I figured it was her wedding, her rules.”
But on the big day itself, the poster noticed the bride had given multiple unmarried people plus-ones.
“Later, I found out from a mutual friend that Emma had deliberately not invited my boyfriend because she couldn’t stand how perfect he was,” the post author added.
“After the dinner and speeches, I felt so uncomfortable that I decided to quietly leave rather than stay for the dancing. I sent Emma a quick congratulatory text and left.”
The bride was “furious” about the exit, so he explained his reasoning. This didn’t help; she accused him of trying to hijack her special day.
“I don’t think in this case the poster overreacted”
“He acted with a lot of grace and confronted the friend after the wedding appropriately,” Coast advised.
“I assume they are no longer friends and that’s probably for the best. The bride and groom in this situation seem incredibly insecure and immature.”
While the wedding expert stresses that this particular case was unfair, though, she adds: “It’s ultimately not the guests’ business why the couple chooses not to invite someone or how they choose the guest list overall.”
“It is completely up to the couple who they wish to invite to their wedding. If they choose to limit the guest list to only give plus ones to serious couples in a relationship longer than a certain time period, only partners they’ve met in person, or if they choose to give plus ones freely of the guests’ choosing,” she continued.
“To avoid hurt feelings, it’s best to apply blanket rules such as no plus ones to anyone who isn’t married or who hasn’t been dating at least six months.”
