While common topics include home life, finances, family planning, conflict resolution, and intimacy, Lahiry notes that many discussions also touch on larger themes of race, class, gender, and power. “In essence, premarital counselling in today’s context delves into the complexities of modern life,” he says. “But what feels new is in how we’re having these conversations. There is more intention and awareness of how we are influenced by the greater national conversation. The success of a partnership goes beyond the conventional pillars and includes a nuanced understanding of how external factors shape the internal dynamics of a relationship.”
While many turn to premarital counselling to sort out any problems that may arise in the future of their marriage, Lee shares it can also be helpful throughout the engagement period. “While wedding planning is exciting, it can also be stressful for many couples,” she notes. “Premarital counselling can help them not only work on their own feelings of potential stress and being overwhelmed, but keep their relationship bond strong as they plan this big life moment together.”
Opening up communication through counselling is not only a popular idea to strengthen a marriage, but also a proven one. “In 2001, a Denver-based researcher named Scott Stanley found that “premarital education” lowered the divorce rate between couples by 31 per cent,” says Lee. “Research also shows that most divorces occur within the first seven years of marriage. Participating in premarital counselling can allow couples to get ahead of these statistics and have the tools to work on their relationship before reaching that point.”
Finding the right premarital counselling depends on the couple’s desires and goals. Lee advises researching certified relationship therapists or premarital education programs at institutions to find a solution that fits your needs. “Often in religious circumstances, couples may ask their officiant to host their counselling sessions,” she says. “Couples can look to The Knot Vendor Marketplace to find and connect with officiants in their area who also serve as premarital counsellors.” Platforms like Ours allow couples to easily access professional counselling virtually. The company also recently partnered with registry site Joy, so couples can register to have sessions covered as gifts from friends and family, including counselling that can take place before marriage or after you tie the knot.
The timeline for beginning premarital counselling is also flexible based on the couple. While most turn to counselling after a proposal, the pros say it can also be incredibly helpful to determine if an engagement is an appropriate next step. As for the number of sessions, Rabbi Cherney notes she commonly does a three-session program for couples, while Lahiry says three to six sessions are common at Ours. “As a rule of thumb, attending premarital counselling should ideally align with when a couple feels ready to embark on these essential conversations,” he says.
