A bride-to-be is struggling to let go of her past and it is already impacting her upcoming wedding.

The groom, 30, took to Reddit‘s popular Am I the A**hole thread to unravel his complicated love story.

He said he was engaged to a woman, who has referred to as Emily, also 30, and that the couple have been planning a fall wedding. 

‘I love her deeply, and I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,’ he shared in the post.

Despite his love, the groom said there has been ‘one thing that’s been eating at me, and I’m not sure if I’m being selfish or just… honest.’

He then dove into the story of his fiancée’s previous husband.

Emily was previously married to a man named Tyler who died in a tragic ‘sudden and tragic’ car accident five years ago. 

The couple had married in their early 20s and the former lovebirds were ‘truly in love.’

A groom shared that his fiancée wanted to wear her dead-ex’s ring on their wedding day on Reddit

‘At first, she was very open about it, and I respected that. I knew coming into this relationship that I wasn’t her “first great love,” and I was okay with that. I still am, mostly,’ he explained. 

‘Over the years, I’ve supported her through moments of grief, anniversaries, random waves of sadness. 

‘She still visits his grave on his birthday, and she keeps a box of his things in our closet. I’ve never touched it. She’s shown me a few pictures of them together, and I’ve listened to her talk about what kind of person he was. I’ve tried really hard to respect that part of her life while also building our own.’

However, as their wedding approached, Emily admitted something that confused her fiancé.

The bride-to-be told the groom that she planned to wear Tyler’s wedding ring on a chain around her neck on their wedding day.

Emily said it was a ‘quiet tribute’ and ‘just something personal.’

‘She said she wouldn’t be where she is now without having gone through that loss, and she feels like carrying that part of her story into this new chapter is meaningful,’ he wrote. 

The poster was stunned adding: ‘I didn’t say much at the time because I didn’t know how to respond. But the more I sat with it, the more it bothered me. So I finally told her how I felt.’

She said she would wear it around her neck in a ‘quiet tribute.’ He said he respected this part of her life, but was uncomfortable with her choice

He said he wanted their wedding day to celebrate their unity and it was ‘hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of her wearing another man’s wedding ring — even if he’s gone.’

‘I told her it makes me feel like I’m sharing the most important day of my life with someone who’s not here. I said it makes me feel like second place.’

He said Emily got very quiet at his response.

‘[She] told me that she wasn’t “choosing” him over me, and that she’s allowed to honor her past while still moving forward,’ he detailed.

‘She said grief isn’t a door you close — it just becomes part of who you are.   

‘I get that. I really do. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m asking something outrageous by wanting this one day — our day — to be about the life we’re building together, not the one she lost.’

He said since their conversation, there has been a ‘weird tension’ between the couple.

‘She hasn’t brought it up again, but she hasn’t said she’s changed her mind, either,’ he wrote.

When he told her how he felt, she ‘got quiet’ and since then, there has been a ‘weird tension’ between the couple 

The poster begged for advice on his situation and over 4,200 people took to the comments to help out

‘I feel like the bad guy, like I’m trying to erase someone important to her, but I’m also struggling with the idea of standing at the altar and knowing she’s literally carrying a symbol of her first marriage as she says vows to start a new one with me.

‘I’ve told no one in my life about this — not my friends, not my family — because I know how it might sound. 

‘But internally, it’s tearing me up. 

‘I don’t want to hurt her, and I definitely don’t want to start a marriage with resentment or guilt.’

The poster begged for advice on his situation and over 4,200 people took to the comments to help out.

‘I was widowed at 29 and remarried six years later. I can totally relate to your fiancée’s rationale for this and also understand your very normal feelings about it. That said, I think she’s wrong,’ a user wrote.

‘Your wedding is inherently, implicitly, and factually about your relationship together and her late husband shouldn’t be a part of it. There are lots of ways she can continue to honor and remember him [for] the rest of her life, this is one day.

‘My worry for you is that she’s doing it as a sort of apology to him for moving on with you. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that either.’

Another simply said: ‘I think you should postpone the wedding. I don’t think your fiancée is ready.’

One user said they could relate to Emily, but still found it ‘weird.’

‘As a widow, that’s weird. I’ll say the thing. My husband passed nine years ago and I couldn’t imagine doing something to honor him if I got married again,’ they explained.

‘I understand it’s a part of her story but this wedding is a part of your story too. You didn’t mention kids, so I’m guessing they didn’t have any which is why I’m on your side here. I’d get wanting to honor the man that made the children you’ll raise or something of that nature.’

Another person also said they were widowed and shared what they thought was the right way to honor their loved one.

‘Not the a**hole. I’m actually a young widow as well (my late husband was killed six years ago when I was 32). I remarried last year,’ they wrote.

‘From the widows and widowers that I know, the traditional thing to do is to move the late rings to the right hand. I wear my current husband’s rings on my left, and I enhanced the ring from my late husband after his death to wear on my right hand. 

‘We didn’t have a ceremony or anything, so the enhancement was to act like the wedding band.

‘She can do something subtle. I think displaying it around her neck, right in front of you, centered on her chest… That just seems so… I can’t find the right words. It seems a bit dismissive that it’s YOUR day. Not the a**hole.’

A user stated: ‘Sounds like she’s not ready to get married.’

‘Hey. Widow here. I know each person grieves differently, but I think her behavior is a signal that she’s not ready for a life that doesn’t include her late husband,’ another widow commented.

‘It’s not just about a wedding ring. When you have children, will she want to name your first child after him? Yes. You will NEVER be first in her life. 

‘Can you live with that? I would hope you believe you should be the most important person in her life. You are not. Please take time to really think this through before you walk down that aisle together. Please don’t sell yourself short.’