Money makes Indian weddings go round
Weddings are expensive, I knew that in an abstract kind of way. The last time I attended a wedding in India was 30 years ago when my brother got married. It is a whole different ball game these days. In the U.S., the national average cost of a wedding in 2023 was $35,000, according to TheKnot.com. According to the Wedding Report, the average cost of a wedding in San Francisco with 200 to 300 guests is between $54,409 and $66,499. But Indian weddings are in a stratosphere, pushing ₹2 crores (~ $250,000) a piece. The Confederation of All India Traders (CAIT) estimates that about ₹4.25 trillion was spent in just 23 days of the Indian wedding season between November 23 and December 15, 2023!
The Ambanis are not the only ones letting loose their pursestrings in India. Professional event planners and make-up artists, days of festivities filled with entertainment and extensive global cuisine, and stunning designer outfits for the bride and close family, all seem de rigueur these days. From themed nights with friends leading up to the big day, to live performances at the sangeet, sheer luxury and out-of-the-box ideas are becoming the norm. The spiritual union of a young couple is an opportunity for a family reunion, with relatives and the diaspora traveling from far and wide to bless the couple.
‘The Wedding of the Century’
In February this year, I got a first-hand dekho of what all the fuss was about. Thirty years since my brother got married, my nephew, Dishang Shah, had his own Insta-worthy Gujarati wedding in Mumbai, which I dubbed, “the wedding of the century”.
This wedding was not just a lavish celebration, but a chance for my sister, Falguni Shah, and her husband, Jaymin, to renew traditions, and for the couple and their families to combine their tastes and preferences. All six of them – both sets of parents and the couple– would go together to shop for everything, from decorations to taste-testing menus. It was a great way to bond and compromise, to become friends. Indian weddings are inclusive. “You have to invite everyone you know,” my sister Falguni insisted.
The Shah-Shah wedding extravaganza had six fetes at five locations, spanning five days.
Handwritten invites bring on an old world charm
The party started three weeks before the wedding day, with a kankotri writing event. In the old, pre-social media days, five senior-most men in a family would be invited to the bride’s or groom’s home to handwrite the wedding cards that were personally distributed to friends and relatives. My sister revived the tradition by hosting a larger gathering with huge fanfare and lunch. Floor pillows to sit on, ornate bakda’s (small stools), and quill pens to be dipped in red ink, were set up. The five men wore turbans and started the ceremonial writing of 30 printed cards addressed to close family. The first card is always addressed to God. Men and women were invited; however, only the men wrote the invites. The hand-addressed invites were then hand-delivered with mithai (sweets), chocolates, and a 20 gram silver coin. The rest of the 1000-ish folks were invited via WhatsApp or messages followed by a personal phone call asking them to grace the occasion.
A chance to bond
I found each event a social occasion, a chance to meet with close friends and family every day, leading up to the wedding day. Dishang’s and his bride Richa’s is an arranged marriage, so these occasions were tailor-made for the two extended families to bond with each other. It is also a chance for the bride and groom to familiarize themselves with their in-laws. Each evening for about a week leading up to the big day, friends and relatives come over, bearing chocolates and snacks, consuming them together and enhancing the festive atmosphere of a shaadi ka ghar (wedding house).
Every night after dinner, we would meet in my sister’s building compound to practice our dance choreography for the sangeet. Each group performing—cousins, family, school friends, parents’ close friends, mother-daughter – would meet with the choreographer, Avni, who with infinite patience endeavored to teach two left-footed non-dancers some Bollywood moves to impress the couple. This was the most fun, when everyone met after dinner to practice their moves, laughing and joking about; a time filled with much bonhomie! On the last practice finale evening, roadside chaat vendors were called to cater pani-puri, bhel, and sandwiches.
The next big event was the Mameru, also known as Mosaalu. The ceremony took place two days before the wedding day. In this ceremony, the maternal uncle (mama) of the groom arrives with his side of the family, bearing gifts for the groom, his parents, and extended relatives. soon followed the haldi ceremony, the traditional applying of turmeric on the couple for good luck. On this day the mama also hands the groom the sriphal (coconut) that he will take to the wedding mandap. Prior to the mameru, the groom’s dad’s family performs a small ceremony and ties a red Mata No Chandarvo or ‘Canopy of the Goddess’ outside the wedding home. The tradition of Mata ni Pachedi (Gujarati for ‘behind the goddess’) was developed by the nomadic tribe of Vaghris in Gujarat. It is believed that because the tribe was barred from entering village temples, they came up with the ingenious solution of painting the Goddess Durga on a cloth, hanging it at the rear of the temple, and worshiping her image.
While reviving traditions was important for Falguni and Jaymin at their only son’s wedding, involving all the elders in their family was more important. I noticed this created a lot of goodwill; the wedding became more of an “our” than “their” occasion. I noticed that particular attention was given to my American-born son, Rajiv, who was fascinated by all the traditions and rituals. Everyone took time to explain to him the reasons behind the different rituals.
Mehendi
The next day was the big mehndi ceremony for the guests. This is usually an all-women affair, with a professional MC who gets everyone involved with games and songs. The host family usually gets their mehendi applied a day before as theirs is very elaborate and time-consuming. Also, cured mehendi hands make for easier interactions with guests at the mehendi event!
The ‘siders’ and the ‘heavy siders’
Day four was the Sangeet at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai. My sister, her sister-in-law, and I arrived at the venue at 2 p.m. to get ready. Note that the sangeet was to start at 7 p.m., and yes it does take that long for the make-up artists to work their magic on us. Anyone who is not the bride is called a “sider”. The mother of the groom/bride is a “heavy sider,” which indicates to the make-up artist that more attention needs to be paid to her hair and makeup. The three makeup artists, one for each of us, who dressed us for all the wedding events, came armed with a complete plan and accessories to ensure that our “look” was different for each day. And they don’t come cheap; my sister admits shelling out close to ₹65,000 (~$800).
World Cuisine
The menu for the mehendi and the wedding was extensive. The world cuisine menu spanned Thai, Mexican, Chinese, and Nepalese, besides live stations making hot South Indian dosas and idlis, traditional North Indian fare, seven varieties of ice-creams and Indian mithais, all served in new and exciting combinations. The hosts were determined to impress the wedding-savvy crowd that had attended multiple such occasions during the “wedding season” in India.
The Big Day
Day five was the pièce de résistance—the wedding. It was epic! It started with the groom’s baraat arriving for the wedding ceremony, amid lots of dancing and singing as he entered with a parade of his loved ones. This was followed by the pokwanu and tilak ceremonies, signifying the bride’s family welcoming the groom.
Dishang and Richa’s outdoor seaside ceremony venue had a pale pink and white décor, with a unique glass stage set amid tall palm trees. Several cabanas dotted the space with bluish- pink lighting to set the mood. Special areas were marked for guests to take pictures to share on social media. The food was set up in a vast U-shape with live food stations on one side and desserts allotted their own section.
The groom’s entry, followed by the bride’s, with dry ice smoke slowly rising, was a sight to behold! The music rose to a crescendo as they arrived. A row of pyrotechnic flares dotted the stage accompanied by cannons showering flower petals on the couple. Pinwheel flares lit up the stage behind them. The Hindu ceremony was conducted around a sacred fire, where the couple took seven rounds (saath phere) circling the holy fire.
The wedding ceremony was followed by a reception, where the newlywed couple were congratulated on stage by friends and family.
Indian weddings have increased in scale and flair, but at the end of the day, it was just a family wedding for us. It brought us closer to each other, first with all the planning, then during the wedding with all the non-stop partying, and after when we sat pouring over the professional photographs and videos, reliving what was one of the best experiences of our lives.
