Wedding venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Hi Alison,
I have a problem. My best friend is getting married in a few months time and he’s asked me to be a part of his big day.
When he said he wanted me to help I knew I wouldn’t be a best man or groomsman as he has three brothers he’s very close to.
The wedding is planned at our local church and my friend and his wife-to-be have asked me to participate by doing a reading from the Bible.
They’ve made it clear how important they feel about it and how much it would mean to them if I read the piece from scripture.
There’s just one problem – I’m an atheist.
I don’t believe in organised religion and while I’m thrilled to be asked it just feels hypocritical to be bowing before a priest, blessing myself, and saying the words from the bible that I don’t truly believe.
I pointed out these issues to my friend and he was upset, saying that if I really cared for him I could put my personal issues aside.
What should I do?
Shane
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email platform@metro.co.uk to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Shane
This can’t be easy for you, but you evidently cherish your best friend and want to make his big day memorable.
It seems that your friend also values your role in his wedding, and there is shared love between you both. However, he has to understand your beliefs, and asking you to read from the Bible is quite a request for an atheist.
Understandably, participating in a religious ceremony might make you feel uncomfortable. Your concerns are valid, and respecting your values and principles is essential.
Here are a few suggestions on how to approach this situation.
Have an honest conversation with your best friend.
You can reiterate your excitement about being part of his special day and emphasising your commitment to making it unique, all while expressing your concerns about participating in a religious reading.
As it conflicts with your beliefs, it may make it challenging to fully embrace the role.
Help your friend understand your perspective better by explaining that your reluctance is not in any way a lack of support but a matter of personal integrity.
You can suggest an alternative way to contribute to the ceremony that aligns with your values.
As it is common in a typical wedding ceremony to have more than one reading, you can also read something non religious – at our venue we’ve seen lots of incredibly moving readings that don’t have any spiritual element.
See if you can compromise with your friend by finding a non-religious reading that still holds sentimental value for the couple and respects your views.
Sharing a meaningful quote, poem, or personal reflection that celebrates love and friendship, would be touching, and you can do this without putting yourself in such a difficult position that you are compromising your beliefs.
If your suggestions don’t work, propose a heartfelt toast or a personal anecdote about the couple.
You can also try to seek advice from a mutual friend or family member who might have experienced a similar situation. Their experience could provide a fresh perspective on how to deal with this challenging situation.
But, it is essential to maintain open communication and understanding.
Your friend may need time to process your concerns, and a respectful dialogue can go a long way in finding a solution that honours your friendship and principles.
If all else fails and you find no middle ground, consider respectfully declining the specific role of giving a religious reading.
Reassure your friend of your love and support, and explain that your decision is driven by a desire to maintain authenticity.
Your friendship is valuable, and trying to find common ground will ensure a harmonious wedding and strengthen your bond without compromising your principles.
Wishing you beautiful memories of your best friend’s wedding.
Best wishes
Alison
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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