A wedding is a huge milestone in a person’s life, which is why those planning their nuptials usually want to find the ideal backdrop to ring in their marriage. After a woman and her boyfriend found the perfect venue for their future wedding, the only availability the locale had was during the same month as her sister’s big day—and the dilemma is causing a heated argument between the two of them. In a Reddit post on the subreddit, “Am I the A——,” on April 24, 2024, the sister, who identified herself as a 30-year-old female, detailed the situation and explained her side of the story, asking the internet if she was in the wrong.
The poster explained that she and her boyfriend are “unofficially engaged,” but they’ve gone ring shopping together and even started planning their wedding. “I know it sounds bizarre but honestly we’ve enjoyed laying the framework in secret because there were no outside opinions and the big decisions would be fait accompli by the time we announce it,” the woman wrote. When the couple stumbled upon a venue that checked all of the boxes, the only available date they had was in August in 2025, so they decided to book it.
However, the poster’s older sister, whom she identified as a 33-year-old female and who has been engaged for two years, requested last year that her friends and family block off the months from June to September for her 2025 wedding since she hadn’t chosen a specific date yet. The poster went on to explain that her sister is thinking about August, so she came clean. “She got angry because she’d already told everyone not to make plans for those months so that we can be available for her wedding,” she recounted.
To resolve the issue, the younger sister proposed that her older sister choose another month since she hasn’t booked a venue yet, but the older sister replied, “I got engaged first so I should have [the] first choice,” according to the post. The older sister also told her younger sister that she should wait until after her wedding to get engaged because “planning a wedding at the same time will split the family’s attention, which is bad for both of us,” per the Reddit post. The poster recalled that her sister told her that it’s “cruel” to get married in the same month she’s considering since she had been with her fiancé for 10 years before he proposed and has been waiting for this. “I don’t want to hurt my sister, but I really don’t see the issue,” she said.
The anonymous Reddit user also added that there wouldn’t be any overlap in terms of the guest list—besides their immediate family. While her sister is having a destination wedding in Italy with 20 people, the poster is having more of a traditional local wedding with 150 guests. “The venue we chose really is perfect for what we want, and I’ll be away for work for a big chunk of the year, so the date is ideal,” she noted. “We could cancel and search for a different venue but I really don’t want to unless I’m being TA here.’
The Reddit community weighed in on the family dilemma—and the community seems to be divided on whether or not the poster is blameworthy. Some voted that the older sister is being unreasonable in terms of her expectations. “Your sister cannot expect you to wait until after her wedding to get engaged, it’s terribly selfish,” one person wrote. Many concluded that the poster is at fault because she knew about her sister’s request but ignored it. “She already told you her timeline and you just preferred to be sneaky and didn’t even say one word about it back then but suddenly you’re the one who got the venue,” someone pointed out. “That’s distasteful to me.” Others made the argument that her engagement isn’t official, so she shouldn’t get the upper hand. “It’s fun to make plans and imagine your wedding and create mood boards and look at stuff, but you are not engaged,” one person said. “Your sister is.”
