A woman who spent £40,000 on her wedding said it ‘ruined her life’. After planning the big day, Lucinda Rose, 39, said it left her ‘broken’ due to the stress and was unable to talk about it for three months post-wedding.

Lucinda was thrilled when her partner Ian Brown, 43 proposed in January 2023 after 16 months of dating. They booked a venue for September 2023 and Lucinda told Ian she’d plan the whole thing.

Her elaborate plan quickly snowballed to create a ‘perfect wedding’ inspired by Hollywood films and influencers’ Instagram reels. She found herself booking everything from fireworks and a string quartet to an ice cream van and even a horse and carriage.

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Lucinda worked full-time and filled every extra waking minute with calls, emails, bookings, and organising details – even sacrificing sleep. By the time it got to the big day, she was so overwhelmed she ‘couldn’t even focus on her own wedding’ despite the day being ‘spectacular’.

Lucinda, a child psychologist and parenting coach, said: “The wedding took over my life from the second we booked the venue. We paid this massive deposit so there was a lot of pressure to get it right – down to the specific flowers, catering, decorations, and the little details.

“It was a massive mental and financial load and it just kept snowballing. The month before the wedding I was so consumed with doing, making, finding, and buying wedding things, that I barely slept and hardly saw Ian. I started to feel a sense of dread about it – and on the actual day, I could hardly focus.

“For months after the wedding, my memory of the day was completely gone. I was in a fog and I felt ashamed that I felt that way. Everything on the day went perfectly but I couldn’t even speak about it after, the wedding ruined my life for three months. It’s this whole societal thing. As women, we’re taught to want the day to be perfect – but at the end of the day, life isn’t a Disney movie,” she added.

The couple booked their dream venue and Lucinda set to work pulling off her dream wedding, inspired by films such as Father Of The Bride. Lucinda’s mother agreed to help financially and they originally invited 50 guests, but soon the guest list had hit 120.

“Because it was already so expensive, I decided to try and do a lot myself. But even the tiny details you don’t think about, like bagging up confetti and decanting shots of limoncello into little bottles, it took hours.”

Lucinda’s plans continued to become more and more elaborate as she became determined to create the perfect day. The once small, £15k affair became an event as Lucinda booked fireworks, a bouncy castle, a string quartet, an ice cream van, and even a horse and carriage.

Suddenly their spending had neared £40k which raised the pressure even higher as she wanted to make sure the money her family had contributed wasn’t wasted. Lucinda said she “hardly saw Ian” the week before the wedding as she slept just two hours a night to get everything ready.

She said: “On the day, everything was spectacular and went off without a hitch. But I had so much burnout I was walking down the aisle telling myself to focus – it was like an out-of-body experience.”

It was followed by a honeymoon trip away to Warwickshire, but when Lucinda returned home she found herself unable to talk about the wedding.

“People talk about the wedding blues but it was literally burnout, a lack of any emotion, and just exhaustion. I wouldn’t let Ian speak about it and I avoided talking to anyone because I knew they’d ask about it. When I finally discussed it with Ian, I couldn’t verbalise why I was so broken, and I felt guilty and ashamed about it,” she said.

Finally, after three months the cloud started to pass and Lucinda was able to watch back the wedding videos and remember some positive moments. When she began to share her wedding burnout online, she was met with thousands of other women who had the same experience. Now she wants to warn other brides-to-be not to let themselves be consumed by the pressure to create the perfect day.

“The scary thing is, at the time I never thought my life would get better. It was only when I started talking about it that it did. At times, I couldn’t wait for the wedding to be over but then when it finally was, I was too burnt out to do anything.

“It was the emotional side too – thinking ‘why don’t I feel like others?’, and the guilt over the money spent and to still not feeling it was amazing. You’re thinking ‘What’s wrong with me, why am I ungrateful?’. As women in particular, we’re so conditioned to think our wedding will be the best day of our life.

“So it’s lonely and isolating when you don’t feel the way people expect you to. It made me feel so much better to have others tell me that was what they went through too – more people should be open about it.”

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