The disrespectful pre-wedding tradition that can undermine a marriage before it begins

Stag dos have long held a reputation as weekends of debauchery, filled with strippers, beer, and public humiliation.  

The wilder they got, the better they were deemed to be. 

In recent years, attitudes towards the pre-wedding tradition have been shifting, with many men now preferring a more well-behaved celebration featuring activities such as go-karting, paintballing, and escape rooms. 

Jack Whitehall, for instance, recently celebrated his impending nuptials with a game of mini golf.

However, some men continue to hold strong to the notion of the ‘final night of freedom’ by heading to a strip club for some sexualised entertainment.

If you’re planning to do the same, you might want to think twice, as experts have warned that it sets a terrible precedent for the marriage, and not because of the venue choice.

Relationship expert and author of Opened, Courtney Boyer, says going to a strip club on a stag do isn’t ‘automatically a red flag’, but the ‘intention’ behind the visit and the behaviour exhibited while there can be.

‘The stag do tradition itself isn’t the issue, outdated attitudes are,’ she tells Metro.

‘If it’s being framed as a “last hurrah”, that mindset is more concerning than the venue.

‘Celebrating a marriage by acting single sends a confused message. A healthy relationship doesn’t need a “farewell tour” of single behavior.

‘Marriage isn’t a loss of freedom, it’s a conscious commitment.’

A key part of this commitment involves respecting your partner’s boundaries, but often lines are crossed on a stag do, which only further undermines the relationship.

An example of this can be seen on Reddit, where a bride-to-be confessed she might call off her wedding with just two weeks to go, after discovering her fiancé had lied about what happened on his stag do. 

The pair had agreed not to have strippers at their respective dos, but he ended up going to a strip club and getting a lap dance. 

‘I feel foolish,’ she wrote. ‘I feel like actions speak louder than words, and going into any marriage right now with this is not sensible.’

In the comments, some thought she was overreacting, but BACP-registered therapist Roya Royle disagrees. 

‘Many women feel anxious about stag dos, often because there’s an unspoken culture of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” 

‘That kind of ambiguity can undermine trust before the marriage has even begun,’ she explains. 

‘If this woman were my client, I would emphasise respect for her autonomy and experience.

‘That means I wouldn’t minimise her feelings or impose my own values, but I would take her sense of anxiety or humiliation seriously.’

Courtney agrees that any anxiety around a stag do should be taken seriously, as it can ‘chip away’ at a marriage.

To combat this, you’ll need to be open and honest with your partner and start having some big discussions about respect, boundaries, and your values.

‘Before a couple agrees to get married, they need to have conversations that include topics like disrespectful behaviour, what constitutes cheating, and how to lovingly convey concerns.

‘Trust isn’t just about what technically “crosses a line”, it’s about emotional safety. If actions on a stag do undermine that, it requires further examination and discussion.’

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