A 32-year-old female sparked a heated conversation on Reddit after asking whether lying to her friend to decline a destination wedding invitation, and retire her bridesmaid duties, would be an appropriate way to avoid paying the costly bill of $8,000. The user described the financial dilemma on Reddit’s “Am I an A——?” subreddit, on March 6, 2024, noting that the bride, her childhood friend Kayla, is hosting her big day in her hometown, a northern Scandinavian town. Due to the location, the bridesmaid would have to pay for airfare, pet boarding, a rental car, the hotel, the traditional Scandinavian garb, and her bridesmaid dress, which comes to a grand total of at least $8,000.
The Reddit user also noted that Kayla recently changed the wedding from 2025 to 2024, so the celebration is now just four months away. She then further shared that Kayla was “very apologetic” about the date change, but the bride “has not acknowledged” the financial component. The bridesmaid expressed that she’s hesitant to spend her hard-earned money on her friend’s expensive wedding because she and her husband have been “saving for our tenth-anniversary trip, a three-week tour around Japan, and had just booked flights when the date changed was announced.”
Based on the post, Kayla was well aware that her friend had been maintaining a savings account, but she dismissed the reason. After the bride pushed up the wedding, the Reddit user said Kayla told her, “You’re so lucky you’ve been saving all that money for a vacation anyway.”
With her anniversary getaway coming down the pipeline, the bridesmaid explained on Reddit that she wanted to fabricate a prior commitment that would conflict with the new wedding date. “My idea was to lie and say we have to do a major home repair (fixing the foundation maybe) that will cost all of what we have saved plus more,” she described. “Then, when it did come time for the Asia trip, [we’d] say we were gifted the trip by my husband’s parents.”
Although the postponement does give the bridesmaid an out, she said she feels guilty for lying and a bit hypocritical since she also threw a destination wedding, which took place in Alaska. However, the Reddit user noted that the cost of her big day doesn’t compare to what Kayla is asking her to spend.
The woman who posted acknowledged that she has considered sharing the real reason why she wants to skip the wedding, but she isn’t sure how her friend will receive the remark. “I’m scared that if I tell her the truth of why we can’t go, it will ruin our friendship,” she said. “I could see why it would. She was a bridesmaid for me while far less financially secure than we are now, and she knows we have a lot of money saved for travel. Our friendship means a lot to me, but I don’t think it’s fair to plan a wedding this expensive to attend and expect me to cancel our dream trip to accommodate it.”
In her post, the bridesmaid asked other users to weigh in and share their advice to help guide her decision. “I don’t want to risk it, so I know that there is a risk she would find out the truth and be even angrier, is that risk worth it to avoid telling her the truth?” she posed. Some users validated the bridesmaid’s concerns and agreed that $8,000 is a hefty price. “8K is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding. Ever. Full stop,” someone wrote. That being said, many of those who sided with the bridesmaid still advised her to be truthful, encouraging her to tell Kayla that she’d already spent the money on her trip. Others said the bridesmaid would only be the a—— if she deceives her friend. “You would not be the a—— for cancelling, but you would be the a—— for lying about it,” someone wrote.
