Dear Amy,
My fiancé and I are getting married in a few months and his mother has suddenly become the unofficial executive producer of our wedding.
At first, it was little things like suggesting flowers, questioning the menu, reminding me that “everyone in their family wears ivory, not white.” But now she’s inviting people we’ve never met, criticizing my venue choices and somehow has opinions about my hairstyle.
Last week she told me, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, by the end of this I’ll have you looking like part of the family.” I laughed at the time, but honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I’m even planning my own wedding anymore.
My fiancé says she’s “just excited” and keeps asking me to let things go to keep the peace. How do I set boundaries without creating family drama before the marriage even starts?
— About to Elope
Dear Elope,
First, absolutely do not communicate honestly. Healthy boundary-setting is for emotionally stable people with free time.
Instead, fight passive aggression with advanced passive aggression. If your future mother-in-law wants control of the wedding, give her responsibilities no reasonable person would want. Put her fully in charge of parking logistics. Ask her to coordinate bathroom basket inventory. Make her personally responsible for keeping the butter mints stocked.
If she criticizes your dress, casually begin describing hers.
